Late Night Kiss

After the rain, comes the beautiful rainbow :')

2012-01-25T00:56:00.000+08:00

Happy 25th Month Ryan ♥

(Picture from Tumblr)

I'm sorry for neglecting you lately, making you feel like I don't care about us anymore but that's not true at all! You're one of the most important people in my life and without you, life wouldn't be complete. You make me happy when my life is at its shittiest moment.. You share my joy whenever I have something to celebrate. You're someone I want my family to love too. I want to include you in everything I do, be it good or bad. Please don't ever feel insecure anymore okay.

Let's make this love iron strong, and sweeter each day. Love you always. :)

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

It's the time of the year for us to make our pocket full again! :D This Chinese year felt rather dull compared to previous years.. probably because despite having two days break to celebrate, I have to constantly think about my technical portfolio submission which is due tomorrow at 5PM :(

So as it was previous years, we headed over to grandma's place for reunion dinner on CNY's eve and went over to bai nian the next day.. And after that we pretty much stayed at home cause my place always host gatherings :/

Days before CNY, everyone headed down to dad's factory to help out in every way we could because of the heavy orders for CNY.

Yup, I'll probably update another time!

Goodnight everyone! Wishing everyone a blessed Chinese New year and hope everyone gets lots of ang baos :D

Some love.

2012-01-19T21:58:00.001+08:00

(Picture via tumblr)

While being in the midst of January, everyone is looking forward to bright and cheery February because that would mean the end of F.Y.P. and we can all put the heavy load off our mind and chest.

But before that day comes, I guess I would have to grit my teeth and persevere!

I'm so sick of all the lines and stuff on autocad already. It's giving me jitters and mega headaches :(

(Picture via tumblr)

Ry,

I miss you so so so so much :(

Back to our second home.

2012-01-17T22:17:00.000+08:00

So Last December, we arranged to head back to Malaysia to visit our relatives despite our hectic schedules.. Unfortunately Dad was too busy to head with us and Edgar was stuck with army :(

@Genting with Edwin!

On the coach back home with mummy. Love sitting beside her during long bus rides. I'm a mummy's girl haha.

Sleepyheads at the back while we camwhore haha.

hahaha mum trying to act cute like I did! :P

Albert took this pic when we were at the kampong~

Lol we kept taking random pictures at the same places on different days I just realized.

Kiddos went to the theme park~ So different from how it was when I was much younger. No more "thrilling, I-don't-dare-to-take rides".. more of rusty and old rides :(

Yup that's about it!
BYE :D

Crazy.

2012-01-15T22:24:00.001+08:00

So much work to do before CNY :(

I always reward myself with little treats like this after doing either housework or schoolwork. Omg I really know how to enjoy can't stand myself haha.

So yesterday I kinda helped Albert with his beauty photoshoot with help from flinz for the entire day!!!

I just couldn't resist the temptation to camwhore while waiting for Albert to set up plus his iphone 4 with FRONT camera was just lying around~ hahaha

Like pro uh? All the equipment could easily cost up to thousands :O

Pro at work haha.

One of the shots taken yesterday~

Till then, Xx.

So busy so tired!

2012-01-12T18:58:00.001+08:00

I think my life is sort of at it's extremely boring stageeeeeee.

Everyday: Housework schoolwork housework schoolwork.
I think I can hardly breathe already but........ ohwells, bear with it for another few months or so, I'll be a little more free already. It's a challenge~

Me + lots of work that never seem to end = Boring shit. It's been damn long since I last went out to have fun :( Miss having pancakes, watching movies, and anything else other than boring shit.

Wish me luck for Friday's submission :/ Working hard like a dog, I would survive!

I am very very tired.

2012-01-06T01:29:00.001+08:00

I'm so vexed! This phase of FYP is what I dread most because those digital stuff is killing me! I suck at it but have to force myself to get it done :( It gets annoying whenever the laptop lags! Ahhhhh but I know very well that this phase, the toughest phase is where you make or break it! Last leap, fucking hang in there -.- (no matter how boring and troublesome it gets)

Freaked out.

2012-01-04T12:41:00.001+08:00

Suddenly there's so much to do and think about.. Everything just became complicated and ridiculous. How? How? How?

Last December, goodbye 2011.

2012-01-02T17:11:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I just got back from Malaysia on Friday night.. Kinda missed countdown by an hour? I rushed down to zirca to meet ry. Clarke quay was super packed!! It was kinda fun people-watching.. All those crazy wasted people and random fights haha.

Clubbing is a super waste of money. Clubbing is a super waste of money. Clubbing is a super waste of money. Clubbing is a super waste of money.
I think people-watching is much more interesting and the best part is.. it's free. (haha wtf) Prawning also more worth it than clubbing, at least after prawning.. can cook and eat! But ohwells :)

2012, a brand new start. It feels weird now that I am in poly.. No more "new books, new uniforms". I remember how I used to write names onto the new books for myself and my bro every time a new year begins.. We used to dread going back to school to get the necessities haha. My mom used to complain how she would have to spend a bomb every time a new year is about to begin.

Last night, after dinner at ECP.. my family and I spent the night looking at old photos because of a random line from my mom.. "you look like me when I was young.. Got one photo damn alike!"..
It was nice looking through my mom's teenage photos to her wedding to our baby and growing up photos. Then my dad went.. "ahh precious memories" and my mom went.. "sweet memories". Suddenly, I feel older already!

Gosh, tomorrow I'll be heading back to school already! 2 weeks flew past just like that in a snap! 2012 is a year of anticipation, challenges and decision-making for me. Wonder which path I would take after I bid temasek poly goodbye..

Some photos from last December..

Have a good head start everyone! ♥

Awesome 2011.. 2012 would be even better! ♥

Glad you came.

2011-12-31T11:11:00.000+08:00

Too late for Xmas.

2011-12-27T04:51:00.001+08:00

But it's alright :)

X'mas eve was started weird and ended bad for me this year. X'mas eve wasn't meant to be like any other day because it so happens that 2 years ago, Ry and I decided that we should be together.

Being quite broke of late and due to time constraint, we couldn't have much celebration.. But I sort of expected some sort of simple celebration despite all obstacles and what not.. So there, miscommunication.
And lots of random "shit" that led to a really bad (?) argument that left us "not talking" for a day. (LOL)
I knowwwwww one day of "cold war" is really nothing but I'm not the kind of person who is fine leaving things dangling in mid-air! I really can't stand not solving the problem for the day and leave it dragging for god-knows how long..
Guess we were both at fault :(

But before the bad argument..........
I went over to ry's place for Christmas gathering and like joined in the card games and stuff. Ry's sis also passed me my birthday gift. Thank you :)

Then on Christmas.. I thought I was gonna rot at home and cry my lungs out while I indulge myself in erm.. sadly, housework?
But then ry made the effort to turn things around! I was super touched. He came over to my place with hand-made sandwiches which tasted super yummy!

We went prawning after that! We were damn noob but it was really fun and satisfying bbq-ing our "hardwork" and enjoying the simple meal which wasn't cheappppp!

Thanks for making it up to me before I left for Malaysia.. Ry, I love you :)

Happy birthday Hazel.

2011-12-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

It's the end of the year again..
And it's my birthday already! :)

So, I kinda turned 19 officially 3 days ago.. Time to be a year more mature, a year more responsible, a year more sensible, a year more.. a year more.. you know what? everything else better :D
Through my 19 years of life (wah), I learnt many lessons and had several ups and downs... ...

On the 21st December 2011...

Part I
I turned sweet nineteen.

And it's so magical...

Haagen dazs cookies and cream!

Thank you Flinz and Mad for planning this sweet surprise for me! :) ♥ ♥ ♥
Super duper sweet of you guys to come over to my area late at night and light up all these candles! Ouch.
Really appreciate, thank you so much :')

Birthday gift from Mad! :)

Pretty pink photo album with a lovely handwritten letter ^^

Birthday gift from Ry! :)

Haha random shots of myself. It's like my birthday!! I should take lots of pictures of my face. #Notshyatall. #Iwishtobecomeprettier #Iwishtobecomesmarter #IwishthatIwillbefilthyrich

Part II

After clearing my chores........ (I know right, I thought I was given an off-day!!)

I was all dressed up and was ready to hit the roads with ry :)

I planted a pretty huge flower on my head.. I guess it's fine since it's my birthday and I call the shots right? :P

We arrived!

We actually took a lot of pictures because his reservation was at 6pm and we were sort of 30mins early so we spent the time exploring the place a little.

@ Hatched!
"Mmmmm what should I get?"

I always loved my birthdays because it falls on the festive season and everywhere is decorated beautifully as though it was meant for me but not really.. Whatever it is, it's still nice :p

Waiting for our yummy food...

Hehe so excited :D

And here it comes!!

The super yummy dessert!

It's so cuteeeeeeeee.

Here's another better shot lol. We're obsessed with taking food-photos I think.. :/

So this was kinda like my birthday gift.. see the car plate.. specially for us because our anniversary so happens to fall on 2512 Love :)

...just kidding haha.

My birthday kiss haha. *shy*

Thank you ry for everything.. for tolerating my demanding tantrums and being a 24/7 boyfriend. And of course, making my birthdays every year so special and memorable. ♥ I love you.

Part III

So after our breakfast/lunch/dinner (?)(help I'm confused???) ..it was kinda like our first meal of the day so.. yeah~

We headed to town and enjoyed all the Christmas mood and lalala~ Went in to A&F and "got lost" in all the mirror+reflections+hotpeople+lights+mostlycrowd, went to paragon and I kicked onto a broken piece of christmas gift/deco and almost tripped~ Bought some ice-cream blablabla~

And we drove back to Pasir Ris! .............. ..................... .................

Cake?

And friends! :')

Gift from Nic and Moon :)

Me cutting the cake and the lovely hand-made sketchbook from Tiara.

My hair is in a total mess after an entire day of roaming around haha.

Really yummy cake! Flinz has got good taste hehe.

Thank you everyone for everything! ♥ And thank you for all the birthday wishes.

With that, I conclude.. I'm 19 and ready to await my big "2".

Goodnight Xx.

Xmas steamboat.

2011-12-23T05:11:00.002+08:00

Pic: Taken from facebook, thanks to flinz hehe.

Had steamboat over at eunice's place today with the girls! :) We bought too much food!! But it was a success and I enjoyed myself! Ate till I almost explode!
I love nights like these! Love you guys! :)

Thank you eunice for sending all of us home!

Merry X'mas. Xx.

Hard to please.

2011-12-23T05:03:00.001+08:00

I.AM.SO.PISSED.OFF.

So I'm gonna rant A LOT in this post.

My aunt sort of arrived in Singapore a day before my birthday..

It's December, Life should be easy and fun. Everywhere should be filled with happiness and it should be all about celebration but unfortunately, not so much for me..

Sometimes I feel that my family is asking a lot from me please?
I know it's my holidays now and I have no reason to complain that I don't have time and all because apparently a typical teenager is damn free and other than school........ there's nothing for us to worry about.

But in actual fact, that's not really the case?
I think I'm not asking for a lot already? As compared to other typical teenagers, I think I'm really normal and acceptable? (or just taking my brothers for example).

1. I don't party till morning? I don't gamble, steal, smoke, take drugs or drink. I don't hardcore spend money.
2. I don't break house rules? Like if I'm not allowed to stay overnight, I don't.
3. I don't skip school or like do freaking badly in school. I actually take pride in my work..
4. I ACTUALLY do housework. I do the laundry, I wash the dishes, I basically help out a little here and there with the chores..

So what exactly did I do wrong?
Stop accusing me of the things I didn't do..

1. All I wanted was a TINY SPOT in the living room to put a table to store all the things for my FYP. I thought you would be supportive in my studies.. Afterall, this is my final year already.. and after 2 months, JUST 2 MONTHS... I'll obviously get rid of the table?

I know it's the holidays now and I'm not using the table but so what if I take that spot.. One little table wouldn't really destroy the entire house's outlook right? Besides.. the house also not some designer-ish house.. what for you care so much about that table.

I actually like doing work and using my laptop during leisure time in the living room because I enjoy spending time with dad..
I know I have my own room now and I could dump everything in my room and just do everything in my room.. All I had in mind was that, I'm already so busy.. the least I could do to spend time with dad is actually doing work with him..
So you're implying that you want me to stay in my room day and night? Fine.

2. One of my wardrobes has got a mirror attached to it so I placed all my make-up stuff and girly accessories in that wardrobe so it'll be easier and more convenient for me to prepare when I'm going out.
Then my aunt had to comment on how I placed my stuff like it's messy and unorganized blablabla~
JUST BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T FIND WHAT SHE WANT. Come on, it's my room and my stuffs.. obviously it's placed in a certain manner that I like.. If you wanted something, you could have asked? If you can't find, that's because it's not your room? It's like if you went to someone's house for the first time.. how the hell would you know where the toilet is if you hadn't ask?

And really.. no matter how messy or unkempt my room is, it's really none of her business? Am I right or right?

3. My aunt chose to come over DURING DECEMBER which so happens to be my holidays. So DUH, I'll be out having fun.. enjoying my holidays? It's my birthday, Christmas.. blabla.. plus lots of catching up with friends! And also, CLEAR MY SLEEP DEBT.
So what if I sleep till noon...... I've got no school?!
It doesn't mean that if I sleep till late = I'm fucking lazy and don't do housework okay.
Let me get this clear.............. I'm not a maid. I don't have to set an alarm, have up at 5-6am.. do housework, make breakfast for terry okay.
I do housework on my own time own target right.. What matters is I get it done? So wtf?

4. My boyfriend is not my maid. His car is not meant to chauffeur me around to run errands. His job is to love me and enjoy time with me. His job is not to buy food for the whole family, help to do this do that, paint the house and whatever. Once or twice would be sweet.. more than that would be fucked up don't you think? I'm not trying to be protective or whatever but I hate making use of people.. especially someone I love..
And I know what I'm doing.. you don't have to give me the whole lecture about getting pregnant and stuff. And there's no need to tell me how I can find someone better anytime and dump my current boyfriend. So what if you think I love him more than he does.. That's what you think.. What do you know about us? We've been through so much together and had lots of pretty memories. What do you know, really?

5. It's like once in a while that I come home after 12.. Stop assuming that every time that I go out, I'm with ry.. Can't I spend time with my girlfriends too? And like coming home after 12 doesn't mean I'm up to no good? If there's something you're not happy about, there's no need to beat about the bush and get all sarcastic. I really hate sentences with hidden meanings. What's the point?

Please just cut me some slackkk???

Wow that's quite a post. BUT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER AFTER TYPING THIS CHUNK OF SHIT OUT. I could rant forever about how unhappy I am but I'm good for now! :)

Haha I shall end this post with two smiling pictures :)

Goodnight Xx.
Tomorrow would be better because all those shitty stuffs are gone with the wind. I don't bear grudges, but please have a limit.

Too lazy.

2011-12-20T03:33:00.003+08:00

So today was like a reallyyyyy lazy day for me. I slept like a log till late afternoon?I guess the only "productive" thing that I did was to paint my nails a damn chio colour that I'm pretty satisfied with :)

My aunt would be coming to SG in a few hours time?

And.............. Tomorrow is my birthday OMG. Can you believe it? I freaking just turned 19 when everyone else is looking forward to their 20s or whatever in 2012. But then again, I really don't wanna hit "20" :(

So yeah.. busy days ahead.. So I'm gonna chill and maybe catch a movie :)

Xx.

Little pink doll.

2011-12-19T04:32:00.000+08:00

Today is sort of the first day I went out with my new hair. Something similar to what I had 2-3 years ago? Middle length plain jane good girl brown hair with side bangs :)

I dug out this pink dress and wore it out for the first time! Bought this in China like months ago and didn't had the guts to wear it cuz it's kinda overwhelming! The pink is damn loud.
But since it's December, guess I have a reason to embrace this awesome pink :)

I love how my complexion looks so perfect on webcam hehe.
Been trying this new product recently and my skin looks better now! It's "b.liv by cellnique". Superrr good. "Off with those heads". My terrible whiteheads and blackheads seemed to have lessen a whole lot! And like it even lightened my bad pimple remaining! (haha)

So today I headed to Strictly pancakes with flinz!

They have like superrrrrrrr huge portions!

This is what I had! It's super duper sweet. It was really nice at the beginning until I got sick of the sweetness and got too full.. couldn't finish it! X:

Another pic to tempt you :P

Omg I look like a kid. hahaha.

Flinz's banana scotch!

The problem with girls and front cameras oops.

"Are you guys twins?" Flinz: "yeah we get that a lot" LOL~

Not bad being a "tourist" for a day. I realize that there's actually a lot of places to roam in SG if you were to just take a camera along with you and enjoy the beautiful night-scape.

The lighting along clarke quay, boat quay blablabla you know particularly around those areas are damn pretty! Good for dates ahem.

Had a great time today!
#Day02 of the holidays: Had awesome pancake and pretended to be a tourist.

Goodnight Xx.

New hair colour.

2011-12-18T04:04:00.002+08:00

Holidays: #Day 01

I'm semi-prepared to welcome my short 2weeks break!

So today, I had a really good sleep.. I think I woke up after 3pm :X How often do you actually get days like these where you can just snooze your alarm or not set any alarm!!!

So yeah.. today was pretty laid-back. I had my lunch.. got pissed off by Edwin as usual..

Before I headed off to ry's place to get my hair dyed! :D It's not any fancy colour.. just your normal plain jane good girl brown. Haha.

After all the washing and rinsing and drying.. It's pretty much done. It's really a hassle to Do-It-Yourself but the good thing is that you'll save a lot of $$ chik-ching ~ Considering the fact that I've been quite broke lately.. this doesn't seem like a bad idea to me :D

We had late dinner at Changi Village! Love their nasi lemak so much! :P

Yup, pretty much sums up my simple day. Gonna take photos of my new hair tmr!

Goodnight everyone Xx.

p.s: All these photos are taken damn long ago. At least 1 month old hahaha. My hair is much longer now! :P Taken at the apartment I stayed in back in Suzhou.. I miss China :(

Too emotional.

2011-12-17T04:57:00.000+08:00

Woohoo~
Last day of schooooooooooooool :D

So today was pretty chill. Headed over to ry's place for a simple dinner and watched tv LOL.

I realize I'm too emotional.
Like really easily affected by everything. Over-sensitive and stuff. Like even my parents told me that they have to be extra careful with whatever they say to me because I would take it to heart and start crying. Haha I know wtf but that's how I am and I can't seem to take control of it!! :/
But actually it's not true that they would take extra care in what they say please... but I'm okay with it since that's how we communicate but I would still have tears in my eyes.

Sometimes I'm confused too..
Like whether I really feel like crying or my eyes are just watery by nature.

Why can't everyone be nice and say some nice stuff for once rather than trying to bring people down with mean remarks and all... ...

Anyway, HAPPY HOLIDAYS :)

Xx.

Some pictures.

2011-12-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

Pictures taken during OSIP in China :)

@Hangzhou.

This girl went through 3 months with me..
Slept on the same tiny bed for the first two months because we were scared and were too lazy to pack the other room haha. We held hands as we crossed the roads because we're not used to the chaotic roads in China. We practically made a joke out of everything and had lots of fun :D

More picture updates from China coming up :O
It's like freaking thousands of picturessssss that needs to be sorted out and it's crazy to post all at one go haha!

Xx.

Thursday night.

2011-12-16T01:27:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow is sort of the last day in school because of the 2 weeks break for Christmas! Yay but not so yay because definitely and surely........ there's gonna be piles of work to do. But let's keep those woes for some other time :D

Today, I had my presentation for FYP and it went blah~ Which means, more work. MORE WORK. AND... MORE WORK.
Sometimes, I really wish that I had this natural talent of holding a pencil or pen and let my imagination run freely on the paper and sketch really well. I always have lots of ideas but unable to articulate it out physically :( And to add on to my flaws, I CAN'T DO DIGITAL SHIT FOR NUTS. It's so demoralizing to see beautiful digital models done by my classmates while mine is............err. err......... :(

But yeahhhhhhhh. Let's be positive and be happy still because life isn't just about suffering. haha.
December is the best month so everything is sweet and pretty :)

On 21st December, I FINALLY TURN 19. 22nd, steamboat with the girls. 23rd, bro would be back from army. 25th, CHRISTMAS and 2YEARSANNIVERSARY with ry. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet. :)

They say before you start a war,you better know what you're fighting for.

Well baby, you are all that I adore,if love is what you need, a soldier I will be.

I'm an angel with a shotgun,fighting til' the wars won,I don't care if heaven won't take me back.

I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe.

Don't you know you're everything I have?

..and I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight.

Pictures taken: Hangzhou, China.

Xx.

Stop making our december miserable!

2011-12-15T03:42:00.001+08:00

2 weeks of short break hurry come please!!! Santa claus' gift to us poor students: Time!

Let's all work hard for whatever while we can :)
No room for regrets. Live the life! Xx

Monday morning

2011-12-12T11:47:00.001+08:00

Bored bored bored. I'm helping my mom queue up at the bank. The queue is forever freaking long!!

Love, you and me.

2011-12-12T00:59:00.001+08:00

Weekends oh Weekends~

I love you, ryan.

We've been through thick and thin, came a long way to where we are right now. This coming Christmas marks our 2 years together and I'm gonna give you my heart again :3

(Wuzhen, China)

We may have random quarrels and petty little fights like kiddies fighting over candies but we would never be apart.

Thank you for being family when I needed someone to take me away from tough moments. You're always selfless, helping me out whenever I need.. like buying food for my house and packing my room with me and more..

Thank you for being best friend, listening to my girly woes and rants about cramps. For buying chocolate when I'm weak and dying.. For taking care of me like a baby when I'm sick and ugly.

I love you, ryan heng.

Please grant me more time?

2011-12-10T14:14:00.001+08:00

Mummy I love you.

2011-12-07T00:30:00.001+08:00

So about an hour ago was my mom's birthday!
In the blink of an eye, she's already in her forties and I'm hitting "20"s soon. Technically, still sweet 19 after 21st Dec hehe.

We headed over to my uncle's eatery for a dinner for her birthday celebration and ordered damn a lot of food. Super duper full!
This Thursday, my elder brother would be going into the army! :O

If time is passing so fast, please let my graduation day COME EVEN FASTER thanks :)

Happy Birthday Mummy! ♥

2011-12-06T23:15:00.001+08:00

Future.

2011-12-06T01:53:00.001+08:00

Self-obsessed moments~

It's been a while since I last wore this tartan top I bought from KL eons ago :P

So today was pretty much a blue-ish Monday with nothing interesting in particular.

Today's session for FYP was consultation and I'm pretty much satisfied with the sketches I did and it went alright I think? Now there's more work to do. Thank god for the solo module or I'll die doing work. haha.

So I kinda had a mini chat with y (my lecturer) during consultation when she suddenly popped me a question out of nowhere.. "Hazel, what are you gonna do when you graduate?".

errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?

I was quite loss for words but at the back of mind, I know very well that.. My destiny upon graduation = work? So I answered: Work?

Given my financial status right now, I cannot enjoy the luxury of using 1-2 years doing nothing that brings in cash, let alone travel.. (As much as I wanna go Barcelona~ Chill somewhere after studying for freaking 13 years like a mad dog..)

But really what I wanna do.. I've got no clue at all.

I kinda wanna get a degree because that's like my mom's greatest wish and if it makes her happy, I have to try to get it right?

But then again, so many times in life, you've got to compromise your personal interest to achieve the so-called success in people's perception.

What I really don't want is to go through all sorts of bank loan or scholarship and tie myself down to something which I'm not confident of achieving. I don't think I can stay a week focused without sleep..

There's just so many "what ifs"..

I hate this growing-up phase where you've got to share problems with your parents and worry for their situation when you know can't do no shit. Actually I sort of know that "adults will find a way and solve their problems".. just focus as a student and do your thing. Seriously.. how to? Let's say if I don't know a single thing that is going on.. I'll probably feel better lol. I hope my brothers would realize that they've got a part to play too and start being of some help rather than making my parents worry more. I sound so stuck-up but really, that's how I feel :(

But putting all these -every household has it's own set of problems- shit aside, Life is pretty good.

I've got a -ahem a bit shy to say- loving family. I love random meals with them be it a simple fare at changi village, ecp or late night suppers :)

I realize that we may not be as "well-to-do" as before and are filled with a mountain-full of problems.. We became closer and spent more time together.

So let nature take its course! I'm gonna graduate and do what I have to do and life would just get better :)

So after school.. I met up with the perfect 100 marks boyfriend, ry for dinner :P

We had dinner at BBQ chicken before heading to the cinema for Puss in Boots hahaha.

A cute little creature (as much as me not being a fan of cats..... it's quite cute luh~) that made us laugh and brought back some sort of innocence in us. No more adult topics for a while!

Meanwhile......... Let's don't worry so much because it's freaking December!

♥ ♥ ♥ Let happiness fill the air LOL wtf. ♥ ♥ ♥

Xx. Goodnight ♥ ♥ ♥

Some pretty pix for a blue Monday.

2011-12-05T23:11:00.000+08:00

I'll try to do random picture posts on random days :D
Some pictures taken during my OSIP..

Cave trip with mad, boss and his family!

Pictures don't do justice at all! It's much nicer there but I feel that the colourful lighting is a little too much :/ It looks a little too artificial~

The random mist makes it even colder inside!

I like the blurry effect of this colourful picture :P

Like some enthusiastic adventurer haha.

This tree was right outside the cave. Like in the mood! haha.

Boss's son! Super duper cute. I miss him already :(

Lol awkward~ We had to take this sort of "typical" tourist shot you know.. like must see the entire sign haha.

I love taking sky-shots. So pretty~

Xx. Say No to Monday blues~ Life is such a beautiful game :)

Sleepless night

2011-12-04T05:29:00.001+08:00

It's 5:17am right now and I'm still wide awake! It seems like the flu medicine that may cause slight drowsiness isn't working really well :/

Mundane life.

So I pretty much spent my weekends rotting away~
Friday night, I went to have late night supper with my dad and bro.

Planned to have manhattan fish market for dinner today with ry but we were a little too late. When we reached, they already stop taking last orders :( there goes our seafood platter!!
We settled for carls jr and walked around aimlessly at changi city point.
Headed over to his place and just had a chill Saturday night with tv and dota for company.

Okay I feel sleepy already! Should have blogged earlier! Goodnight Xx.

Peaceful Friday.

2011-12-03T00:19:00.001+08:00

I fell sick for the past few days... Bad weather and poor immune system says it all~

Thank god for the two "independent days" on my schedule for FinalYearProject. So being weak and sickly, I didn't have much work done.. ohwells. Got a lot to catch up over the weekends man :( so hopefully I get well soon!

So lately, I've been having a lot of random meals with my family. Now that we don't have a maid, I have a room to myself. We have extra money for random meals.. but that would also mean more chores for me to do! But mum had been really understanding.. so other than washing the dishes, clearing the laundry, help her with bed sheets once in a while, and cleaning the floor.. She tries to do the rest.

But it's really quite tiring............. Like school is already quite tiring cuz it's like lessons in the middle of nowhere from 3pm to 6pm! But one good thing is that I can function at night but still get ample sleep cuz I won't have to wake up as early as before :D

Life had been really "peaceful" LOL. Like although I have random on-off quarrels with ry, we still manage to pull through and stay as one. It's amazing how time flies when you least expect it! In another 22 days, it'll be our 2 years anniversary! ♥

Pictures taken during OSIP:

Otw to HuaiAn on boss's car.

Can't wait for the sunshine after the rain.

2011-11-27T01:10:00.001+08:00

What exactly has been going on?
I feel so lost. I feel so scared. And I don't know what is the problem..

Ry thinks that we've got some issues. We had a really long talk just now and I almost cried my eyes out..
Have I really changed? Does the problem really lie with me?

..that's why there's so many things going on around me?

I wish I can be of some help instead of being a nuisance to everyone. I wish I wouldn't be a pest anymore.. I wish to be somebody..
I want things to get back to before. Is everything really fixed and I have to unwillingly accept it?

Please let things get better after this hurtful Saturday..
I'm so tired of crying over every single thing already. I really wonder how long more can I hold on. There's just so much that's going on that I can't do anything about.

Are all the pretty pictures just a dream?

Dreadful Monday Bluezzzz.

2011-11-21T02:37:00.001+08:00

Shades of the sky..
I yearn so much to be woe free.. I wanna enjoy nature's embrace again. I wanna travel and leave the cruel fast-paced world behind. I can't wait for Feb 24.. I can't wait for the day of graduation.

And when the day comes, I'll look behind me with a wide big smile because I know everything I did was worth it and I did what I had to do right.
Meanwhile, let's cry with no tears.

Goodnight xx.

Pictures taken: Hangzhou, China.

Our story.

2011-11-19T03:26:00.001+08:00

I just went to read a some of my old blog posts, mainly December 2009.
I wanted so much to get my old self back.. I wanted to know how was I like 2 years ago.. I wanted to know what was in me that made him go head over heels.

I know I've changed a lot for the past 20 over months and it's inevitable. You know they always say how your environment would shape you as a person..

Just now during one of my heated arguments with ry, he told me how he used to have lots of freedom and not having to answer to anyone.
I guess he was right. I'm getting really possessive and selfish.

After our argument, I took a really long walk home..
I thought to myself. What have I become really. No doubt I became more "chiong" schoolwork wise, more sensible home-wise.
But the truth is, I became so freaking reliant on ry that I fear myself sometimes.. I'm such a fail girlfriend. I turn to him during my down moments and ditch him aside when my friends or family call me out. And when he hang out with his friends or needs to meet his family, I get so upset that I'll be lonely...
Why am I so fucking selfish? :(

As I walked home.. I realize how much I fear being alone right now. I really cannot stand it, it's hurting me like shit and I just cried like mad knowing I would one day lose ry if I carry on to be so stupid. I know very well that the world wouldn't revolve around someone but I guess I'm just socially retarded and can't handle relationships well. I just can't get this human-relationship thing right.

I don't wanna lose ry.. he's so important to me..

I know he's a really understanding boyfriend..
In fact I think I've abused his niceness towards me.. I feel bad that he always have to accompany me to run errands for my family. He always have to wait for me to end school and each wait is like 5-6 hours? And sometimes if something unexpected crops up, he'll wait for nothing.

I'm sorry baby.. I really am. I'm so mean.

I remember how you would treat me so ever sweetly whenever I fall sick. When I had high fever in Shanghai, I could see how worried you are... You've done so much for me but I hardly ever gave you any credit..

Please just know that I really love you..

Goodnight xx.

Pictures taken: Suzhou, China.

To dream of, To have it.

2011-11-18T00:42:00.001+08:00

The path ahead seems so blurry..
I hate these questions so much right now: "What do you plan to do when you graduate?" "Are you gonna further your studies? University?" "..." "..."

I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW

Truth is, I'm really stuck with no plans ahead. I'm someone who works systematically.. I hate it when things get jumbled up because I can't handle chaos.

So what if I work this way really?
Being stuck in design school for 2 going 3 years.. I've learnt that adapting is so fucking important.
If you got no time, you have to find time. If you can't do something, you have to think of something else to solve your problem. Nobody would sit down and listen to your insignificant whines.

I believe everyone else is like me right now.. "Struggling so hard" to survive. Fighting for sleep every night. Rushing for meals. Coping with life outside of school.

Things have since changed when I came back from China. As much as I hate doing housework, I have no fucking choice. Imagine.. seeing tons of unwashed dishes and clothes that are undone. Would you just leave it and sleep or finish it and sleep in peace? I, unfortunately would choose the latter.

After graduation..
I'll become a butterfly and fly away~ Yay issue solved. No university no money okay. And where got so easy to get in!! I already hate how my parents are being fucked by the money shit. I don't wanna add on to their burden and stuff.. plus I'm already damn sick of schooling. I hate the idea of "studying for so freaking long" and when you graduate... realize that it's not even something you wanna do!

I hate to say this but.............. TIME WILL TELL. My top priority right now is fight fyp and do well. All else can wait! :)

So sad I wasted so much money on this!! But it's all gone now. I realize long nails are really pretty but freaking troublesome and annoying!! haha.

I realize I either don't blog or post really whiny stuffs..

Oh wells, Shit happens.

Reality, smacked in the face.

2011-11-06T19:47:00.001+08:00

Tired. Tired. Tired.
I think the only time that I can really sleep in peace or sleep more than 4 hours is during the weekends. It's really not helping that I have 9am classes everyday!!! I end school at 6pm or later everyday :(
I've been late for school for the past one week or so and this needs to stop!

Anyway, since it's a laid-back Sunday.. I've decided to post some pictures :D

Ry went to China alone to look for me during my 3 months stay in China :')

I'll never forget the day at the custom in Suzhou. That place is really damn dark and scary, filled with dubious characters.. mainly those illegal cabs kind. Sounds damn drama huh? In-between, I get weird conversations like, "you need a ride" or something like that. Although it was a short 30 mins wait after waiting for like 70-80 days... it felt like forever and my heart wouldn't stop beating because I'm both excited and scared to death haha.

I was so touched and happy that I cried. Lol. And like the entire scene back then was just..........

Like you know hugging each other in the middle of many other people, totally oblivious to the surrounding kind. haha.

The roses that Ry got cheated of! hahaha. The girl like hard-sell all the way.. "gege gege help me buy"...
Haha but it was because I was talking about him for the hardselling of roses along the streets to him over the phone and asked if he would buy them for me if we were approached.. :P

Gotta head off~ Blog again if I find the time to. :)

Back to "something new".

2011-10-30T22:21:00.001+08:00

Hi I'm back to this orange and blue blogging space after so freaking long!
I'm back home!! Time to bid China goodbye?
I arrived in Singapore on the 25th. Back late due to some shit but still in a piece :)

I only had a day to rest before I had to head to school for FinalYearProject and some marketing module!! :( I hardly had any time to unpack or clean up my room! grrr.
And something new? Maid is gone......... which means, bigger room and more chores.
YAY? :/

Need some time to upload all the china pics and arrange them~ It's more than a 1000 photos~! Would post them soon, bit by bit :D
No time to chill, it's all mad rush fml. SCHOOL TOMORROW :(
Weekends never felt so short before.

So yeah byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

Always you.

2011-10-10T23:40:00.001+08:00

If it wasn't the ocean
wasn't the breezes
wasn't the white sand
there might be no need
If I could sleep through the cold nights
If I could breathe and hatred
If I had worked til summer
Maybe I wouldn't feel so humble
Oh, you
It's always you
It's always you
If red roses weren't so lovely
wine didn't taste so good
If stars weren't so romantic
then I could do what I should
Oh, you
It's always you
It's always you
Oh, you
It's always you
It's always you
If you love me, I could command it
Get your hand to understand it
I'd go twice around the world
even though I may not find it
Oh, you
It's always you
It's always you
Oh, you
It's always you
It's always you
Oh, you (wasn't the ocean)
It's always you (wasn't the breezes)
It's always you (wasn't the white sand, there might be no need)
Oh, you (wasn't the ocean)
It's always you (wasn't the breezes)
It's always you (wasn't the white sand, there might be no need

Hello 101011.

I realize in the short 19 years of my life, so many things have happened. Each time I make a mistake or wrong decision, I actually grew and learn from it.

I come to understand the true meaning of "everything happens for a reason" ever since I started falling deeply madly in love with ry. (lol)

Of course, other factors enlightened me more in regards to this point haha.

I'm starting to rethink if I'm really up for the course I'm taking now. What's the point of my diploma if ultimately, this isn't what I really want. I'm only being "hardcore" to make my parents happy and feel that wee bit of satisfaction when I get good results.. and when I don't, I would feel like shit.

Then I asked myself, so what if I dream of being something else... it doesn't mean that I would actually succeed in that scope of work.

Ah whatever it is, let's just hurry graduate and decide later :D

Actually, I wanna believe the fortune teller very much. But being a freaking pessimist, I can't help to "worry" about my future. LOL.

I don't know what's wrong with me but even after being here in Suzhou, China for the past 72 days.. It still feels really surreal..

Like really "WHAT?! I'M IN CHINA?! AWAY FROM EVERYONE FOR SO LONG?!"

Each time I learn something new about the culture or people here, I'm struck awake.. "yes you're really in china.."

It's kinda fun being a "foreigner" who can speak their native language. Like they will ask if we're foreigners.. then we would force them to guess. And most of the time, they would guess most asian countries like Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Hongkong, (and recently Vietnam and Thailand wtf -.-)..........but Singapore. Only one of two of them would guess correctly sometimes haha.

Honestly speaking, I'm really sick of being in a foreign place already. This foreign place is starting to become "less foreign" and many things we do are starting to become a habit and it's getting really boring. It's okay if it's just boring... The fact that I miss everything back home so much is making this abnormal habit kill. The good weather here and laid-back life wouldn't make me miss home less. Take me back to my huge microwaveeeeee and burn with my loved ones nowwwwww! haha

Okay, I gotta shower and sleep real soon. Whine oh whine.

爱很简单

2011-09-30T23:37:00.001+08:00

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你
有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深爱上你
真的很简单
爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法决择
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我
喔......
i love you
无法不爱你baby
说你也爱我
永远不愿意baby
失去你
不可能更快乐
只要能在一起
做什么都可以
虽然世界变个不停
用最真诚的心
让爱变得简单
我一直在这里baby
一直在爱你
永远都不放弃
这爱你的权利
如果你还有一些困惑
请贴着我的心倾听
听我说着爱你
yes i do
有时候爱就是这么很简单

Happy China national day! Lol.

It's considered one of their long holiday here because they make sure that you have a week worth of break.. but you'll have to make up for it over the next weekends. (which is alright for us because everyday is the same LOL!)

They even have like three-quarter day on the eve of the national day. So we were let off work at 3 pm today!!!

Gonna head off to some other parts of China tomorrow at 830am!! (about 4 hours car ride from suzhou)

I really miss home and ry :(

Even if you are far away, you are always close to my heart. It's good that we are far away because we learn the patient to wait for each other.

M&Y,JU2.

The other side.

2011-09-30T00:15:00.001+08:00

I miss blogging so much! Blogging used to be just a click away and every time I log in, I would be greeted by the orange and blue web page. :(

Time flies, I'm already here in China for 61 days. I could still remember my day 1 in China vividly..

Day 1 in China was HORRIBLE. Imagine after the long flight.. long car ride.. and impromptu (mad rushy) grocery shopping before the mall closes.. You are greeted by a "rotting" house. (This is because it had been vacant for a while)

The whole house is absolutely EMPTY and when you talk, you can even hear echoes..

The first day was quite like a torture because we were dead beat but we still had to clean up the house through the night :( We were so tired and lazy that we ended cleaning up just one room and shared it for 49 days haha.. (It's not that I have power memory but because I wrote a diary here LOL).

The first few days was really tough.. everything seemed so foreign and new~ And when we saw familiar names, we felt so much better.. Names like "watsons", "KFC" and whatever not.. haha.

And the coolest thing that we only found out after 49 days is that.. THE FREAKING HARD BED THAT WE'VE BEEN SLEEPING ON....................

ACTUALLY.. has got 2 freaking sides -.- One side is freaking hard, and the other side is much softer. So finally, on the 49th day, we flipped the bed around -.-

The first week was kinda boring because our immediate supervisor is on a business trip and we were like lost kittens aww so poor thing :(

Initially, we thought the neighbourhood centre (the only place we can have lunch during the break unless we bring our own food) near our workplace was damn freaking far but after walking that path for so long.. guess what? We could practically walk ANYWHERE! Amazingly, we found our way to more "new places" without a map. Being very adventurous, we took random buses and see where it could take us to haha. Sometimes, we get disappointed.. sometimes, the "new place" would become the next place we would go frequently. haha.

Here and there, we had epic moments.. like when the water supply decided to die on us. (erm we happened to be one of those rare cases~) The water meter got weird and that annoying repair dude kept insisting that we used so much water that it's enough to make a swimming pool wth -.- Feeling guilty because obviously the water meter is spoiled, he decided to sponsor us 3 months worth of free water hahaha.

And then our gas stove got weird and started a fire on its own while we weren't aware and gave us a pot of black ABC soup. (The corn, carrot, potato and meat turned black literally!!!) I'll post a picture when I get back hahaha!

Oh and not to forget.. when our toilet bowl decided to get choked because we dumped toilet paper into the toilet bowl -.- Being so used to the sewage system in Singapore, we were total oblivious to how it works in China. We totally left the toilet bowl untouched for at least 3 days LOL. We finally got annoyed and decided to seek help from someone in the office. A helpful driver/admin dude decided to be DAMN BRAVE and bear with the 3-days-decomposed-particles and un-choke our toilet bowl!!! :O So, this was the first time I scrubbed a freaking toilet bowl thanks I know I'm super brave.. omg~

If I were to list down all the epic moments, I don't know when this email would end..

As much as I miss ry, my family and friends in Singapore, I never regretted my decision of coming here for so long. The people here are really too nice to be true. And far from my imagination, China is actually not bad. Or Suzhou in my case because China is so freaking huge and of course, I know that there are poorer areas...

Being really lucky, we were granted this very special opportunity to be part of an exhibition design and got to travel to HeBei, LangFang and Beijing for a business trip. We're really grateful for the sponsored trip.. transport wise, accommodation wise and the everyday meals :') I really enjoyed the short 5-days trip there. Suddenly, all the weird serious atmosphere in the office became a really fun atmosphere where we would joke and laugh on the dinner table and really talk. This made me realize that it is only human to "smile" and stop being serious for a while.. And that it's super important to separate work from play.

Today, our boss and colleague treated us to steamboat and we had a karaoke session. It was sort of like a farewell dinner(?) cuz technically, we won't have much days left in the office due to the one-week holiday for China's national day. It was really nice and I enjoyed myself. I really can't wait for Hongkong and head back to Singapore but I know one thing for sure... I will miss Suzhou and the people here very much :')

I may not have learnt the best hands-on skills here, but I gained a whole-lot of life experiences and human skills that I never had throughout the 19 years of my life. When I thought that it was such a big thing to pack up and leave for a country so far away for so long.. away from my family.. be alone.. it's actually not. Compared to the people here who started packing their bags and leave for somewhere far? 19 is considered old. They left house at the age of 16 or 17? And really.. being able to get close to a whole new lifestyle and culture, it's really interesting for a true blue Sagittarius like me who's always up for new things. And I think that we're actually not bad in blending in~ We tried to "talk their slang" hahaha~

And in a way, the 61 days here made me treasure my relationship with ry even more.. I'm really touched that he's so supportive of my decision and even forgo-ed his trip to germany to come and find me here in China. No matter how sucky my connection gets, he's always there to wait patiently and call and me every night.

On a random note, MY HAIR FINALLY GREW!! hahahaha. Okay lame -.-

wow, what a long post~ I'll try to post again another time :) goodnight.

p.s: sorry for being soooooo wordy? i got no idea how to attach images, so yeah~

亲爱的你怎么不在我身边? ♥

2011-09-17T23:49:00.001+08:00

这里的空气很新鲜

这里的小吃很特别

这里的latte不像水

这里的夜景很有感觉

在一万英尺的天边

在有港口view的房间

在讨价还价的商店

在凌晨喧闹的三四点

可是亲爱的你怎么不在我身边

我们有多少时间能浪费

电话再甜美

传真再安慰

也不足以应付不能拥抱你的遥远

我的亲爱的你怎么不在我身边

一个人过一天像过一年

海的那一边

乌云一整片

我很想为了你快乐一点

可是亲爱的

你怎么不在身边

在一万英尺的天边

在有港口view的房间

在讨价还价的商店

在凌晨喧闹的三四点

可是亲爱的你怎么不在我身边

我们有多少时间能浪费

电话再甜美

传真再安慰

也不足以应付不能拥抱你的遥远

我们有多少时间能浪费

电话再甜美

传真再安慰

也不足以应付不能拥抱你的遥远

我的亲爱的你怎么不在我身边

一个人过一天像过一年

海的那一边

乌云一整片

我很想为了你快乐一点

可是亲爱的

你怎么不在身边

Hi I'm in China right now!

2011-09-11T17:05:00.001+08:00

And this post is my first post here! I'm trying to test if I can post it. :D

If this works, I'll post again :)

Every end of the month..

2011-07-28T00:39:00.002+08:00

Time flies, it's almost the end of the block now~ "End of the block" marks the end of Project 4 -The cause of tears, stress and sleepless nights- and Multimedia fundamentals -A module that I must take despite having an super busy schedule already-.

Every time after a project, I would sit down and look back at how I've "grown"..
And indeed, every major project taught me something new. It forces me to deal with unforeseen circumstances and made me realize how shit don't always happen but HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT AND WISHED THAT IT DIDN'T.

A few examples of how shit could actually happen is...
a) You finished your work. You rushed to school. Made it in time to plot. But some error had to occur. You got someone to buy you a disc, but it couldn't be used due to overwriting shit. Late submission.
b) Everything is going smoothly.. work progress, printing.. etc. Until the laminating machine had to destroy your boards.. Followed by a traffic jam. Late submission.
c) You spent 2 nights rendering an image and you're about 90% completed. You actually feel satisfied with that piece of work. You saved it every 1 minute.. thinking that it would be 100% protected. Little did you realize.. Your laptop decided to auto-shut-down and then photoshop corrupted your entire file. "unexpected end-of-file found" kept appearing. To make things better, you tried googling for a solution.. downloaded programs for recovery but nothing could turn things around. Conclusion? Redo whatever that was done in 2 nights in a single night without sleeping.
d) Somewhere along the line.. you got into a car accident and "almost died". I know this has nothing got to do with my school work but really lor.. who would get into a car accident out of the blue please? Thank god it happened during the weekends and ya I'm still alive and not injured.

Tell me how unlucky can I get?
But it's also through these experiences that made me a stronger person. I cried.. I got pissed with myself. I was depressed, disappointed and whatever not.. But looking at my work.. I know I did my best and I'm proud of it. I cried and wanted to give up at several points in time.

I really have to thank the my lecturers for being so encouraging.. parents for being so supportive and ry for being so understanding.
And of course not forgetting.. my helpful classmates :)

Now that all the submissions is over, I could really heave a sigh of relief. After presentation and submission of mmfund.. I would have to prepare to fly to China for 3 months of internship.
Challenges, independence.. I think I'm prepared. Let's go! (OR MAYBE NOT:/I'M SO FREAKING SCAREDDDD)

2011-07-25T02:40:00.000+08:00

Happy 19th month ryan heng! :)
I love you.

Fireworks.

2011-07-15T01:58:00.003+08:00

Anybody up for some fireworks today? hahaha.
I went for NDP preview some time back with flinz and mad. All thanks to flinz that we got the tix! :)
It kinda made up for the fact that I wouldn't be in Singapore for National day :(

I really like the song for this year. So catchy :)
Enjoy the videos and pics. Sorry for the quality, it's from my iPhone. haha.

Till then~

Hang.In.There.

2011-07-14T00:25:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling like shit now. Every month, I have to deal with this sort of crap. Sucks to be a girl.

Feeling super restless and the cramps is killing me! I almost died during night class. I couldn't even focussss. Halfway through the class, I went down to get myself a cup of hot milo. haha feeling quite independent and strong. not bad not bad.

ahhhh. Please let this week pass by smoothly. thanks.

Hey man.

2011-07-12T23:29:00.001+08:00

Today I'm mega loved.

Dad called me after my class end to ask if ry was coming to fetch me home from school. If not, he would fetch me home from school.

Soon after, mom called to ask the same thing. If not, she'll get my bro to send me home.

And ry already plan to take me out for dinner before sending me home.

I'm gonna miss all these when I'm in China man..

One presentation down.. that's all for mmfund for the time being. Tonight, I would have to rush for my project 4's submission tomorrow!

Jiayou x2! :)

In just 20 days time...

2011-07-12T00:14:00.001+08:00

I'll be several miles away from this little red dot.
There's so many things awaiting me and 3 months is really not that long nor short. It's the time to practice independence and it's like test for ry and I.
I ~~will~~ must get through this.

Right now, P4................................mmfund.......................... let's battle. (haha wth?)
Okay time for some ppt slides :)

What am I supposed to do when you're gonna be 12345678910 miles away?

2011-07-10T23:39:00.001+08:00

Sunny Saturday :)

2011-07-10T04:07:00.000+08:00

Haha stupid ryan heng got me hooked onto maplestory for a day. It was quite fun killing monsters.. Like quite sadist but really, it's kinda entertaining and mentally relieving. hehe. But no worries, not an addict YET.

So, I had one of those relaxing nights yesterday.. I could turn on my laptop without any fear or heartbeat racing feeling. I happily bloghopped and youtubed.. I love ryanhiga and kevjumba to the maxxx! It's one of those things that I enjoy but couldn't do due to S-C-H-O-O-L. No life? Sadly, yes.

But come on, WEEKENDS!

Today, ry drove me to town for the first time! It was kinda exciting and I bet it was heart thumping for him :P
It was a different experience on the front seat haha. We used the map app on our iPhone and got there safely. haha like noobs but there's bound to be first timessss k.

Then we realize.. Cheap parking = collecting bird shit. Super shocked by how the nasty crows turned cars into toilet bowls? We were like "wtf?!"

Lovely date today.. But soon this would be part of the memories-that-keep-me-going-while-I'm-away-in-china-for-3-whole-months. Feeling freaking scared but secretly can't wait.. And the thought of ry coming over just @$#%^& makes me go from :/ to :)

We had dinner at din tai fung @ paragon, our all-time favourite dining place. mmm... the yummy xiaolongbaos :p And caught the 11:45pm transformers over at e!hub before heading home.
It's not that bad but if the hot chick was megan fox, it would have been better :P

I need to sleep earlier man.. If not, I'll die by the age of 45 as quoted from ry :(
And.. good hair day means photo spam hahahaha :D

Okay goodnight, with love.

Lazy friday night.

2011-07-08T23:08:00.002+08:00

Haha sorry for being so self-obsessed.
I was bored and the lazy song was playing in my head. I don't wanna do anything tonight. Don't wanna go out, don't wanna do work..
I just wanna be a couch potato and do nothing tonight. Feeling really good. I'm a real lazy bum!

:P

I cried again.

2011-07-08T00:54:00.000+08:00

I think crying in school or in front of a crowd in general is SUPER DUPER embarrassing. I swear I don't know how to clean up the mess after that. It'll be so awkward!
Today was so.. I don't know how I should say.. It's so sudden, random and unfortunate.

I stayed up till about 5-6 am rushing my assignment the night before.. (not excluding the other times spent on autocad since day 1. Plus all the research bla*). I know it's my fault for giving up at the very last second. But there's really nothing I could do. I almost blacked out in front of my laptop.. Staying up for several nights was nothing to me in the past. I really don't know why have I become so weak. I don't know if it's because of the night classes or long hours spent in front of the computer. I'm using the computer even during my 6-9 lessons!

Can you freaking imagine the toll it's been taking on my brain and body? Sometimes I find myself really braindead during my night classes. I find it hard to absorb the slightest details and I think I asked some really dumb questions. Ohwells~. Questions like "eh how come I change alr still like that?" and he would answer.. "refresh?" -.-

Then everything was supposed to go fine until my laptop and autocad decided to throw a tantrum while I was saving and printing. It may have overworked? I don't know..
While opening and re-opening my file to plot, over and over again.. I got impatient and worried and I couldn't help but just.. cry. I know crying doesn't solve anything, but I'm weak like that. I tried to maintain and do my best to the very last even though I'm already late.. But I just broke down. :(

Then the disc had to make a fool out of me.

I just kept crying. I was really touched to see Jun still smiling and comforting me even though I submitted at 6pm which was 1 hour pass submission time. All I can remember was him telling me that everything is alright everything is alright.. it's just a small matter.. And that I should just take a break, go home and rest well. I was really touched by his concern. Haha it's funny how the more he comfort me, the more I cried. I felt so bad for making him stay back even pass submission time. He even went to get me a disc to save when he knew that I had problems. He's always so encouraging and nice.. that made me feel really guilty for delaying him because I knew he had personal matters too..

I felt so small and helpless. But really, thank god for all the helpful classmates who helped me. Like a whole lot of them helping me fold my drawings :')

I'm messed up :( Sometimes, I don't even know what's wrong. Sometimes, I just feel so helpless and weak to move on. Sometimes, I really wished that I won't take everything so seriously. I'm too afraid of failure. I shouldn't try to "make" everything perfect. Nothing is and would never be. I have to be contented. Contented. Contented. Contented.

Life is as such.........................deal with it.

Sparkles.

2011-07-02T03:32:00.000+08:00

Mad and I saw this weird guy floating outside tamp mall. It's like some kind of ad? Till now, I'm still puzzled why is it possible for him to "float". Ohwells~

Cool anot???!!!!

Dinner at century square!
I love everything strawberryyy :3

Braised pork rice. Haha I can't remember since when I started loving taking pictures of the food I eat. I always feel that a meal is something that brings people together. So I took this photo for memory sake I guess :)

Then we painted our nails over at Flinz's place! Galaxy-ish nails.

Bugis shopping day!

Random collage I did using an iPhone app. So cute :3

I'm so dreading the start of school..........................
As the clock goes tick tock tick tock, I have this weird fear in me. China is just a p4 away. I can't believe I'll be away for 3 whole months. 3 whole months of independence. 3 whole months of being separated from lovely people. I am scared but I can't wait. haha.
It's like an emotional challenge. 3 months? Short period or long while? I can't decide..

Meanwhile, let's finish the p4 journey! It started out great, I hope I can stay strong till the end.
I mean.. hey 3pm - 9pm school is no joke. But I'm hazel. So I can do it. :P
I'm this crazy perfectionist who won't give up despite trying umpteen times. I hope I would get reminded of this line I say when I feel tired and weak to move on.

Okay bye :P

Holidays coming to an end soon :(

2011-06-29T00:47:00.001+08:00

FlindaHazelMadeline out on a sunny day!

Yesterday ry let us into his condo for a nice swim or... chillax session :) Love his place to the max!
Thank you :) Always so sweet hahaha!

We headed down to flinz's place to prepare some finger food before heading over to ry's place. (Only to realize that <>) Ohwells~

ValueShop sells the cheapest stuff! Got f&n ice cream soda somemore :P Love the colour to the max hehe!

Today,
I packed home-cooked over to ry's place. I'm a 24/7 good girlfriend okay. Haha. We played like 20 mins of maplestory.. NOOBIESFTW :D
Had a good chat with his mommy. And she gave me damn a lot of make up remover and stuff haha.

Then.. DINNERZZ AT SIMPANG BEDOK!

HAHA OKAY BYE!

Picture memories.

2011-06-26T05:07:00.001+08:00

Teo heng session with the girls.

Surprise ice cream date with ry!

Movie date with ry!

Supper at Seng Kee with ry + Movie session!

Kartrider rush with ry! hehe

Watching Sunny Happiness with daddy!

Movie date with Daddy and Albert!

Out to town with Ry!

hehe goodnight ♥

Ordinary.

2011-06-26T04:38:00.000+08:00

Just now, on my way home.. I had a really really long talk with ry. It really got me thinking..
Is pride really that important? Must I really be so negative about everything? Have I been a little too paranoid about every little thing?

I kept denying to the accusations he made about me. I know very well that everything he mentioned about how I treat my life had hit the bull's eye. I take everything so seriously, and I force myself to make everything perfect.. be it socially, academically, or whatever. I kept trying so hard to live up to people's expectations. But really, have I been living for myself? I fear that if I do this.. someone would judge me. I fear that if I do that.. someone would be affected.

Frankly speaking.. how often would someone truly appreciate what you've done for them? And so what if you try to be sensitive to others?
If you're a little too nice.. people would see it as you being fake. If you try too hard, you're a wannabe.
Why do people treat genuineness as being fake?
Why do people do so much just to hurt others?
Why do people say things that don't mean?
Why do people hide all their sorrows and put up a strong front?
I know that it's a natural instinct to stereotype.. I know it's normal for people to malign and set judgments..
Actually I know all that crap.. I guess I just wanna deny their existence. I just don't wanna believe that all of it is really true.

I always believe that if you treat someone nice genuinely, one day they would notice and like benefit from it.
But I think in reality.. people would only believe the best actors / actresses.

I really love heart to heart talks. It feels as though, someone out there actually knows how you feel. You're not alone and whatever you say actually mean a thing inside their hearts. It gives me the hope that the world may not be as dark as it seems.

I realize, ry is not just my lover. With ry, it's not just "i love you" "i love you" and more "i love you"s.
Nobody in this world knows what we've been through together. We may be a pair of lovey dovey couple but we actually talk about stuffs. I hate the fact that he can read me like a book.. I hate that he can see through my smiles and notice that I'm actually hiding my unhappiness.. I don't know when would I ever give up this stubborn personality of mine and stop pretending. But is it even necessary?

I really miss my mom. I realize.. we haven't been spending a lot of time together and it can't be helped. There are some things that cannot be forced or changed in a short span of time.

I am who I am. I'm not one of those cool kids. I'm not one of those hot babes. I'm just ordinary. I just know that I treat everyone I love with all of my heart and if they don't reciprocate, too bad for me? lol.

Webcam

2011-06-20T00:41:00.002+08:00

Had our final apel on a saturday morning yesterday and right after, IT SPELLS...H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.S :D
After school, we had lunch at old town with eunice at whitesands.

Then, while waiting for flinz to prepare.. mad and I played uno stacko!

We went to a flea at chinatown, had dinner at everything with fries and sheesha-ed at arab st!
The dinner sucked to the maximum!!! The orders were all wrong and the food is really BAD. omg.

But it was a fun day out nonetheless :)

Oh and our camwhoring over at flinz's place :P

Happy daddy's day!
I had dinner with my family over at Whampoa keng just now! Good food good everything. We went giant shopping after that :D
I love you daddy :)

Right now, I'm webcamming with my fav ry :)

Baby, I MISS YOU.

Love you.

2011-06-18T02:50:00.001+08:00

Just caught Super8 with ry.h! :D
The show is super duper lame with no particular storyline please. I was expecting details.. and interesting stuffs but the ending was just.. bla?
But the characters all damn cute :3

Today was really nice. I don't know what has gotten into me lately..

I've been moody.. like on and off everyday. It's like as though I've got split personality. I really wonder how ry stands me. I was really touched when he got home real late after meeting his friends but still called me at around 3 am, sacrificing his sleep just to hear me whine when I was having insomnia..
I know I'm crazy. BUT REALLY THESE THOUGHTS RUNNING IN MY HEAD IS DRIVING ME INSANE SOMETIMES. I must curb it!
It's just that I conceal it really well I must say. The secrets behind all these pretty smiles :/

Ry listened to every single word I said when he had school the next morning and had to wake up at 630am. I really don't know what to say. I've been mean to him. :(

I went to look for him after school and he drove me to have seng kee yao zi mian xian at bedok hehe :>
Super yummy. The soup is @#$%$&( good! Everything was really simple and sweet. Baby, I ♥ you.

Okay I need to shower. I'm super lazy. "la-liang-ing everyday hahaha"

p.s: I'm holding a perfectly peeled orange. my dad is freaking lame.. he tricked me with an empty orange -.-

Sometimes, you would just keep thinking..

2011-06-16T23:59:00.075+08:00

I always feel that I haven't been good enough to anyone in particular.

My life is pretty much smooth sailing that when sometimes, I say "I had a bad day" or like.. "I'm not feeling very good".. People would just brush it off with "What's her problem? Her life like.. so good, still complain so much?!". Everybody is deemed to have their own set of problems. Whether major or minor, it's up to the person him/herself to determine.

Or maybe.. I'm just very depressed.

I always feel as though my presence really don't make a difference in anyone's life.

Back at home, I cannot be the perfect daughter or sister. No matter how hard I try to show that I care and wanna help. I would just be rejected. I always feel super helpless when my parents fret about monetary issues. It's like on the surface.. my dad drives a Mercedes-Benz like full of status kind? Truth is.. they've been struggling to make ends meet. And because it's retarded to lose money by letting go of this "burden".. they have no choice but to keep paying and paying.

I often wonder why my brothers still spend money like as if we're still as rich as before. Then I question myself, have I been that thrifty? Nope.. I feel so guilty whenever I go out with ry because I can't stand the

hot smoke, oily places.. and I'm just very demanding. I know I should just let it go and go with the flow..

And being in a design course, I've got no choice but to keep paying for the boards.. the printing.. the materials and more. And when I'm running low in cash, I keep quiet and try to struggle through the week with my remaining pay. When the new week begins, I try to ask for money.. But my parents would say things like "didn't I give you already?" or things like "money so fast finish?".. It makes it so awkward everytime to ask for a simple $10 or $20.

I can't even remember when was the last time.. My family was so well-to-do that whenever I mention "shopping", my mom would just pass me $200 or her card. I know this little setback is really nothing but I feel the change. I don't expect my life to be like all the rich kids. I just want my parents to stop worrying every night, thinking that they didn't do enough for the family.

I actually feel fine when now I no longer can buy things like I could when I hang out with my friends. I used to feel very sad whenever my friends buy stuff and I just quietly look around, not being able to buy what I like unless I work. And if I go out to work, I'll miss spending time with them which is super rare. I know comparing my situation to others, it's really nothing. But I feel sad too...

My mom used to say stuff like "don't need to go out to work luh.. we also not waiting for you to support the family" when I requested to work part time few years back.

Now she'll say "eh holiday alr? looking for a job?" ... ...

I can't even make them feel better. All I can do is crack lame jokes that I won't even laugh to forcefully make them feel better. And of course.. good grades. I know good grades are for myself. But I hate it when my mom have to keep quiet and sulk solemnly whenever stupid people brag about their freaking children to her.. Then they would purposely rub in and ask about hers. Right now, I managed to get into director's list.. and OSIP. At least, she's got something to talk about when people ask her stuffs. It may not be a great deal to you, IT'S A FREAKING BIG DEAL TO ME. I hate it when I try so hard, people just have to pull me to the bottomless pit. It really ruins my morale..

Just imagine.. A girl who used to sleep in school EVERYDAY, was called back for remedial or supplementary class by every teacher.. Late for school so much so that her name was "out of the box". Detention classes were like fun fair.. Sneaking out of the house late at night for a date was like cheap thrill. I would climb the windows back home and all. Homework never existed in my dictionary.

...

To...

A girl who would borrow tons of books from the library. READING EVERY SINGLE LINE LIKE A NERD. Photocopying important points and all. Staying up late.. crying every time my work didn't meet the lecturers' expectations. I did so much that people started labeling me "Hardcore" and stuff.. And other stuff that I don't wanna know. You know, being "hardcore" isn't as easy as it seems. I really have to communicate very well with the people I love.. I will have no extra time to spare. Everyday is about school work. I cannot even sleep in peace when I know that I haven't completed my work. And when I'm facing heartbreaks, I just have to deal with it. (Even if it means staying up all night with pain to finish my work.)

Actually, all I want is to satisfy my expectations of myself. I wanna feel proud of myself, for once.

I really don't wanna heck care for the rest of my life. I would cry and cry to myself when I get a bad grade then pretend that I'm really fine when anyone asks me about it. I don't wanna it to seem as though a puny little grade on my report slip controls my entire mood.

Maybe I'm not that positive.. maybe I'm just pretending. You know sometimes it feels so tiring to be always holding that retarded smile on your face and deep down.. you're actually falling apart. Whenever I feel lonely or sad on the way home, I would take a deep breath before walking into the house.. smile and talk to my dad happily as though I had a great day. When actually.. my day really sucked. I rather suffer the frowns alone than to double the frown on my dad's face. I realize he's turned old a lot.. Hair dropping.. frowns and all.

I've been thankful whenever I think about how lucky I am to have a loving family. A house that I can call home. And also, I have a 24/7 boyfriend who would give in to me regardless. It's so much so that I've been relying on him a little too much. I cannot stand being without him anymore because I can't deal with loneliness anymore. I'm afraid of being alone. I don't wanna be alone. Whenever he has got his plans, I would try to fake a tantrum to have him not go because I feel out of place when I'm with my friends. I know I sound really pathetic but really..

I feel as though I've never been there for my friends. And I don't wanna go back to them just because I need them. I feel like I don't belong anymore because we spend lesser time and whatever that they're talking about, I just don't know a shit. I feel super retarded when I try to continue the conversation. When I listen to myself, I don't even know what I'm saying. It's like, I cannot blend in anymore ever since I decided to be a clingy girlfriend. On one hand, I'm clingy like hell because I fear being alone. On the other hand, I'm just never-there because I only wanna be with my boyfriend.

I think I just don't know how to handle my relationships well. I'm always stuck when people make plans for something. When my friends plan something, I have to think about how I've ruined another plan somehow. When ry makes a plan, I have to cancel on my friends. I know of so many people who can handle everything so perfectly, but really why is it just me?

I always feel obliged to answer to everyone.

I just wanna be a better Me to everyone around me. Tell me how?